What’s WRONG with Sleeping Together Before Marriage? [Top Guide]

The Bible says Sex Before Marriage is Wrong

Yes, the Bible condemns sex before marriage and encourages the bed to be undefiled.

In a world where modern values often challenge traditional beliefs, the Bible stands as a guide for Christians in all aspects of life. To understand the Bible’s stance on sex before marriage, we must first understand God’s original design for human sexuality.

In the book of Genesis, we read that God created man and woman in His image and declared them to be “very good” (Genesis 1 verses 27 to 31). God instituted marriage between one man and one woman (Genesis 2 verse 24).

This union in marriage was designed to be a sacred and exclusive bond, representing the relationship between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5 verses 31 to 32).

It is important to note that the Bible consistently calls believers to live a life of purity and holiness. In 1 Thessalonians 4 verses 3 to 4, Apostle Paul writes,

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor.”

This verse explains the importance of maintaining sexual purity and self-control. Sexual immorality, which includes sex before marriage, is seen as a deviation from God’s intended plan for human relationships.

The Bible also warns about the consequences of engaging in sexual immorality. In 1 Corinthians 6 verse 18, Paul advises,

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” 

This verse highlights the gravity of sexual sin. It not only impacts the individual but also tarnishes the sacredness of the body, which is intended to be a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6 verses 19 to 20).

Sexual immorality, which is sex outside marriage, can have emotional and relational consequences. When physical intimacy is detached from the commitment of marriage, it can create confusion, heartbreak, and even damage trust within relationships.

God’s plan for sexual intimacy within marriage provides a stable and loving environment where two individuals can fully express their love for one another without fear of abandonment or betrayal.

Living according to the Bible’s teachings on sex before marriage can be challenging in today’s culture, which often promotes casual sexual relationships. However, as Christians, we are called to stand firm in our faith and values. Romans 12 verse 2 advises,

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” 

By renewing our minds through Scripture and prayer, we can resist the pressures of the world and uphold God’s standards for our lives.

Is Sex Before Marriage a Sin?

For us as Christian believers, privileged to be privy to the knowledge of truth recorded in the Bible, sex before marriage is a sin.

Sex before marriage is considered a sin because it goes against God’s intended design for marriage, purity, and holiness.

God designed sex for marriage, not as a pleasurable act for unmarried individuals.

Believers are encouraged to keep this law of God by practicing abstinence and leaving the bed undefiled.

Contrary to popular belief, abstinence does not mean a lack of love for one’s partner but a way to honour God and cultivate self-discipline.

The self-discipline built in courtship will reflect itself in marriage, protecting one from the sin of adultery regardless of the situation.

The Bible consistently encourages waiting until marriage to engage in sexual intercourse or any sexual activity. Hebrews 13 verse 4 says,

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” 

This verse explains the sacredness of the marriage bed and the need to keep it pure. When two individuals commit to waiting until marriage to engage in sexual relations, they honor God’s design for intimacy.

It’s important to recognize that the Bible doesn’t condemn those who have made mistakes in the past regarding sexual purity.

God’s grace and forgiveness are available to all who repent and seek Him. 1 John 1 verse 9 assures us,

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  

God’s love and mercy extend to those who turn away from sexual immorality and strive to live by His Word. A sexually immoral person is not an outcast as long as they truly turn to God.

An immoral man who has put aside his evil thoughts, such as sexual behavior, extra-marital sex, lustful intent, extra-marital sex, and lack of self-control, is accepted by God.

However, it is important not to return to sexual immorality after learning the truth about it.

Ultimately, as believers, our faith encourages us to honor God through our choices and actions in all aspects of life, including our relationships and sexuality.

Selfless Sex vs Selfish Sex

Selfless sex is rooted in God’s design for marriage, while selfish sex is portrayed in sex outside marriage. 

Engaging in sex before marriage often stems from selfish desires. It is a pursuit of personal gratification, disregarding the emotional and spiritual consequences.

In Galatians 5 verses 19 to 21, the Bible lists sexual immorality as one of the works of the flesh, warning against such actions.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5 verses 19 to 21)

Selfish sex often leads to emotional turmoil. It creates a sense of emptiness as the pursuit of personal pleasure takes precedence over meaningful connections.

This emptiness can result in feelings of guilt, shame, and regret.

Selfish pre-marital sex strains relationships, causing trust issues and insecurity. It can also lead to comparing one’s partner with previous experiences, fostering jealousy and insecurity.

Engaging in selfish sex can create a spiritual disconnect. It distances individuals from God’s plan, making it harder to embrace His love and guidance.

In contrast to selfish sex, selfless sex aligns with God’s design for intimacy within marriage. It is rooted in love, mutual respect, and a deep commitment to fulfilling each other’s needs and desires.

In a Christian marriage, sex is a selfless act. It’s about fulfilling each other’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. 1 Corinthians 7 verses 3 to 4 emphasizes this by saying,

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

This shows the mutual selflessness expected in marital intimacy.

In Ephesians 5 verse 25, husbands are instructed to love their own wives, just as Christ also loved the church.

As a husband, you are expected to love your own wife, in the same way, as a wife you are expected to love your own husband.

In this context, marital sex becomes an expression of selfless love, mirroring the way Christ gave Himself sacrificially for the church. Selfless sex within marriage strengthens the bond between spouses and nurtures a loving, fulfilling relationship.

As Christians, we are called to a life of selflessness, not only in our sexual choices but in all aspects of life.

Philippians 2 verses 3 to 4 reminds us,

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests of others.”

Therefore, it is important to embrace selflessness in our intimate relationships and to seek God’s guidance in all aspects of our lives.

By doing so, we honor His plan for sex, preserve the sanctity of marriage, and cultivate loving, fulfilling relationships.

Marriage is a covenant designed to bring two individuals together as one, to share their joys and sorrows, and to fulfill God’s purpose for their lives. God created sex within the confines of marriage to be a source of enjoyment for married couples, among other pleasures of having a life partner.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, various distorted views on sex deviate from God’s original intent.

Therefore, it is important to turn to the pages of the Bible to gain a clear understanding of God’s purpose for marriage and His intended design for sexual intimacy.

In the book of Genesis, the creation story makes us understand that God made the first man, Adam, and saw that it was not good for him to be alone (Genesis 2 verse 18).

Then, God, in His infinite wisdom, created Eve as a suitable helper and companion for Adam. This act of bringing a man and a woman together in holy matrimony was the very beginning of the institution of marriage.

Genesis 2 verse 24 says,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  

This verse highlights the divine design of marriage, emphasizing the leaving of one’s family and the cleaving of one’s spouse. It signifies a union where two separate individuals become one in heart, purpose, and spirit.

Marriage is consistently portrayed throughout the Bible as a holy and honorable institution.

Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, explains the beautiful symbolism of marriage, comparing it to the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5 verse 25).

This demonstrates the spiritual significance of marriage and its reflection of the sacrificial love of Christ for His people.

Why did God establish marriage?

The institution of marriage was established to enrich every aspect of human life, including companionship, love and procreation.

One of God’s primary purposes for marriage is companionship. In the Old Testament in the book of Ecclesiastes, we read,

“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4 verses 9 to 10).

This passage highlights the importance of having a life partner—someone to share the joys and burdens with.

Marriage provides a unique and intimate companionship that no other relationship can replicate. It allows spouses to support and encourage each other through life’s trials and triumphs, creating a bond that grows stronger with each passing day.

This companionship also extends to emotional and spiritual support, helping individuals become the best versions of themselves as they journey through life together.

Another significant aspect of marriage is the gift of family. God designed marriage as the foundation for building families, where children can be raised in a loving and nurturing environment. In Psalm 127 verses 3 to 5, we read,

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.”

Marriage provides the stability and loving environment necessary for children to thrive and grow into responsible adults. It is within the context of a strong and loving marital relationship that children learn important life lessons about love, respect, and values.

The family unit, established through marriage, serves as the building block of society, contributing to the well-being of individuals and communities.

Also New Testament in 1 Corinthians 7 verse 2, underscores the importance of sexual purity before and within marriage.

In a world where sexual immorality is prevalent, marriage provides a sacred and God-ordained outlet for the expression of physical love and intimacy.

Marriage also offers a unique opportunity for emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Spouses can share their deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams, knowing that they are loved, accepted, and supported.

This level of emotional connection strengthens the marital bond and fosters a sense of security and belonging.

Benefits of a Christian Marriage

A Christian marriage is not only about personal fulfillment but also about fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives.

As Christians, we are called to glorify God in all that we do, and marriage is no exception. In marriage, we have the privilege of serving God together, growing spiritually, and encouraging one another in our faith journey.

Couples can pray together, study God’s Word together, and hold each other accountable in their walk with the Lord.

This shared spiritual journey not only strengthens their relationship with God but also deepens their bond with each other.

Ecclesiastes 4 verse 12 states,

“Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  

This verse reminds us that when God is at the center of our marriages, our union becomes stronger and more resilient.

With Him as our foundation, we can overcome challenges, support one another’s growth, and serve His purposes as a united team.

While marriage is a beautiful union, it faces numerous challenges in today’s world.  Cultural shifts, secular ideologies, and the high rate of divorce often undermine the sanctity of marriage.

To overcome these challenges, we must cling to God’s design for marriage and actively seek His guidance in overcoming the challenges of married life

God’s Design for Sex

God designed sex to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage; hence, sex outside marriage is a sin of fornication or adultery, as the case may be.

Sex is a powerful and beautiful gift from God, designed for intimacy, pleasure, and procreation within the boundaries set by Him. The foundation of God’s design for sex can be traced back to the very beginning of creation.

In the book of Genesis, we read about the creation of the first man, Adam, and the first woman, Eve. God designed them to complement each other perfectly:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (Genesis 1 verse 27)

Notice that God created both males and females in His image. This emphasizes the equality and value of both genders in God’s eyes. He designed them to be different but complementary, forming a beautiful partnership that would reflect His divine nature.

In God’s design, sex is meant to be enjoyed within the confines of a sacred covenant known as marriage. The Bible clearly states,

“a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2 verse 24)

Marriage is more than a legal contract; it is a spiritual union where two individuals become one in the sight of God.

It is within this covenant that sexual intimacy is meant to exist, providing a safe and loving environment for the expression of love and the procreation of children.

Within the context of marriage, the Bible teaches the importance of sexual purity and fidelity.

God’s plan for sex means that it should only happen between married partners, and they should be loyal and faithful to each other.

Sexual immorality, which includes pre-marital sex, adultery, and other forms of sexual sin, is condemned in the Bible because it goes against the sanctity of marriage.

Contrary to some misconceptions, the Bible affirms that sex is a gift from God designed for pleasure within the boundaries of marriage. The book of Proverbs paints a vivid picture of marital delight:

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. (Proverbs 5 verses 18 to 19)

God wants married couples to experience joy and satisfaction in their sexual relationships.

Pleasure is not to be shunned but embraced as a God-given aspect of marital intimacy.

While God designed sex to be enjoyed within marriage, the Bible warns against sexual immorality and impurity:

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints. (Ephesians 5 verse 3)

God’s design for sex includes the responsibility to avoid any form of sexual sin. This includes abstaining from pre-marital sex, adultery, pornography, and any other sexual practices that deviate from His plan.

Love is at the core of God’s design for sex. The Bible instructs husbands to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. (Ephesians 5 verse 25)

In the context of sex, love means putting the needs and desires of one’s spouse before one’s own. It involves mutual respect, communication, and a deep emotional connection that strengthens the physical aspect of the marital relationship.

One of the purposes of sex in marriage is procreation. God’s design for sex includes the blessing of children.

Children are viewed as a gift and a reward from God. God entrusted the responsibility of raising and nurturing them to parents within the context of a loving and committed marriage.

Summarily, God’s design for sex is a beautiful and sacred gift that is to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage.

It encompasses love, fidelity, purity, pleasure, and the blessing of children.

Understanding and embracing God’s plan for sex brings fulfillment and joy to our lives and honors God’s intentions. By following the principles outlined in the Bible, we can experience the fullness of God’s design for this important aspect of our lives.

The Role of Tradition

Tradition and culture play a significant role in shaping our beliefs and attitudes towards sex. These factors often provide the framework within which we understand and express our sexuality.

Different societies and cultures have developed their own norms, values, and rituals surrounding sex, and these can vary widely from one place to another.

Many cultures have varying views on pre-marital sex with some permitting it and others discouraging it. In contrast, the Bible, as mentioned earlier, emphasizes sexual purity and the sanctity of marriage.

As Christians, we should strive to align our sexual behaviour with biblical principles as opposed to some cultural norms.

Cultural norms dictate how individuals dress and present themselves, and these norms can have a significant impact on how sexuality is perceived.

In some cultures, modesty in dress is strongly emphasized as a means of preserving chastity. It is essential to recognize that cultural standards of modesty may vary, but we should always be true to our faith, as the Bible encourages modesty (1 Timothy 2 verse 9).

In certain cultures, arranged marriages are prevalent, with families playing a central role in selecting a spouse for their children.

While arranged marriages are rooted in tradition and culture, they may also align with biblical principles of honoring marriage and family relationships.

However, the Bible does not explicitly endorse or condemn arranged marriages.

Cultural expectations regarding gender roles can significantly impact the sexual narrative. Some cultures have rigid gender roles, while others promote more egalitarian relationships.

We have different cultures with their own beliefs. The Bible acknowledges distinct roles for husbands and wives in marriage (Ephesians 5 verses 22 to 33), but it also emphasizes mutual love and respect, beyond cultural interpretations.

Similarly, cultural attitudes towards sex education vary widely. Some cultures emphasize abstinence-only education, while others provide comprehensive sex education.

However, as Christians, we should incorporate biblical values into sex education, emphasizing the importance of abstinence before marriage.

Tradition and cultural values strongly shape the narrative of sex. It is essential to recognize that these influences can sometimes align and sometimes diverge.

While tradition and culture provide various beliefs and practices surrounding sex, the Bible offers a timeless foundation of principles that emphasize the sanctity of marriage, sexual purity, love, and respect.

Ultimately, as Christians, the Bible must be our guide to determine which cultural values to embrace or discard.

Conclusion

Let us remember the wisdom of the Holy Scriptures and the clear guidance it offers on the topic of sexual purity. Our Heavenly Father has lovingly provided us with His Word, the Bible, to guide us in every aspect of our lives, including our relationships and our bodies.

As we have learned from 1 Corinthians 6 verses 18 to 20, part of which states,

“… Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

These bible verses remind us that our bodies are sacred, and they are intended for a purpose greater than momentary pleasure. Sexual purity is not about just suppressing our desires but about honoring God with our bodies, which He has entrusted to us.

By engaging in sexual activities before marriage, we not only dishonor God but also risk harming ourselves emotionally and spiritually.

Let us also reflect on Hebrews 13 verse 4, which reinforces the sanctity of marriage and underscores the importance of waiting until marriage to engage in sexual relations.

When we honor God’s design for marriage, we experience His blessings and protection in our relationships.

In our modern world, where some cultures disregard the value of sexual purity, we must stand firm in our faith and commitment to God’s principles.

Let us support and encourage one another to uphold the beauty of sexual purity, knowing that it is not a restriction but a path to true love, intimacy, and God’s favor in our lives.

As a christian couple, we must oblige with the covenant of marriage. Your sexual desires and sexual relationship must be only to your spouse.

Also to young people, unmarried people, engage only in legal marriage, flee from every sexual temptation. You can have committed relationship, but let this be done according to the dictates of the word of God.

As we conclude, remember this good news. God’s plan for our lives is always the best and the only way to fulfilling our glorious destiny in life.

Trust in His wisdom, and let us strive for sexual purity, glorifying God with our bodies and preparing ourselves for the blessed union of marriage.

May God’s grace empower us to live according to His will, finding joy and fulfilment in His perfect design for our relationships.